Tapping Into The Strength Within
Today is all about building up a strength that comes from deep inside yourself. On Day 19 of Brett Larkin's Challenge the last kundalini exercise really required me to dig deep down and find that endless source of surety and grounding - to find my inner fire! I refused to allow my arms to stop their motions and keep concentrating on my third eye point and chanting sat nam (truth is my identity) while noticing my breath and the atmosphere around me. Went deeper into the moment and I allowed the sensations to course through me. There was this little voice (my ego) that said 'stop, you can't do it', but I just noticed it was there and kept moving my arms.. I was nearly in tears at the end of it. I learned a lot about strength today -- what true strength is, and how sometimes we have to conquer the greatest foe that is in our minds. It's the courage that comes with a combination of letting go and engaging the moment.
I am reminded of that everything I go into the deep end of the pool during my beginning swim class. For some readers of this blog who may not know, I was raised in a cult religion called Jehovah's Witnesses. My parents isolated me a lot from the rest of society. That experience has shaped my life in so many ways and I am now in the process of re-shaping my entire life story. Long story short, I was not allowed to participate in many normal experiences with other children growing up. I remember that I longed to learn to swim when I was a child, but my mother wouldn't let me take the class for fear that my mind would be influenced by the children there. This resulted in my not learning to swim when I was young, so by the time I was an adult, I had developed a fear of deep bodies of water. I realize that the experiences when I was younger resulted in quite a few phobias, some of which I've broken, like my (intense shyness) fear of talking to others, and some that I haven't like my fear of driving. Some I am in the process of breaking such as my fear of swimming. It's been many steps to get the point where I can now plunge into the water and tread water in the deep end of the pool and even swim in the deep end with the guidance of a lifeguard. But that first plunge, I'll remember it always - the surrender, the over-coming my mind and the moment when I swam to the other side. I felt triumphant! Every bit of fear that I conquer represents a small win and a letting go of a limiting mindset - the kind of shortsightedness that zaps our strength. My mantra today from Briana and Dr. Peter Borten's "Rituals For Transformation is, "I relinquish my fear to the power of love and my Higher Self".
