So I needed another blissful yoga practice today. I'm still healing. I couldn't handle anything too vigorous, but I feel that I will be able to do so in the near future. Then I can resume my Yoga With Tim sessions. Today however, I practiced a brief but nurturing heart opening yoga by Caren Baginski. It was just what I needed. I've also been practicing self-acupressure to aid my body's healing practice. Of course I've been drinking plenty of water and trying to eliminate toxins from my body and strengthen my immune system. I feel like I am purging on a deep energetic level in preparation to move ahead to a newer, brighter future -- the beginnings of positive change.
It was one of those days where I had to drag myself out of bed to start the day. Again I diverged from Yoga with Tim's energetic session in favor of this gentle Vata-friendly session on the SarahBeth Yoga channel. I worked a half shift at work after taking cold medicine. I almost fell asleep 😴 in the Uber there, but I made it in one piece. Now I can chill out at the end if the day. I've got my herbal tea ☕ so it's all 👍 good.
Yesterday evening because I was bored after watching an entire K-Drama called "Best Lover" on Netflix, I decided to investigate my waning energy levels through the lens of Ayurveda. I believe the Universe and my guides led me in the direction in which over the course of investigating three different sites where I was diagnosed with three different doshas (the Ayurvedic descriptor for health profile). The three site I'm referring to are linked below just in case anyone wants to find out their predominant dosha. My second most prominent dosha was Kapha followed by an almost equal amount of Pitta. It was clear thought, that after taking the tests that my main imbalance in all three, even though I got varying mixtures of other doshas, was Vata. Vata imbalance is characterized by anxiety, being all-over-the-place, constantly busy and not always giving self-care and the list goes on. So I decided to practice balancing my Vata, which means establishing and regular bedtime and wakeup routine (I will try. LOL.), cutting refined sugars and processed foods (I've been doing that), meditation and pranayama (I've been doing that. Yay!), TLC. With that goal in mind I started decided my yoga practice today would be a 20 minute gentle ground sequence by Sarah Platt-Finger of Ishta Yoga. I will have to say that it really did help a lot. Now I'm going to take an aromatherapy bath and perform a self massage with oils before eating a nourishing meal. I am taking all this good advice to heart.
The hacking and coughing aside, I was really weak yesterday and so I'm taking it slow today and doing my best to practice nurturing and self-care. I think I got sick somehow on that 10 hour bus ride to SoCal either to or from the Journalism Association of Community Colleges (JACC) convention. Then there's the abrupt weather changes from cold and rainy to sunny and bright, the not-so-healthy fast food at truck stops, and being crowded on a bus with at least 40 other journalism students. Of course this is also Mercury Retrograde season which decided that I needed to have my period throughout the SoCal trip and might have just decided that I needed to slow down and repair my body. Hey it's better to get sick during Spring Break than during the rest of the college semester. Maybe it's time to rest and regroup. If that's the case, I've got the message loud and clear!
I wanted to try, but I just couldn't hang with a long, strenuous practice today from Yoga With Tim, and so I had go with a tried a true practice for when I'm feeling under the weather on the Yoga With Adriene channel I'm just relaxing into the fact that I can't really do very much right now and forgiving myself. I was going to use this week to accomplish so much... And maybe I am. Maybe being sick is just what the doctor ordered to help me slow down this Mercury Retrograde season.
I didn't write in my blog yesterday because I had to make the over 10 hour journey back on the bus from Burbank to San Francisco and then make my way back to the Bay Area. I did however, make time to complete my yoga practice in the hotel in the morning. It was a chill little recovery yoga video from The Yoga With Tim 30 day challenge with a focus on meditation. Today I feel a bit of a cold coming on, but maybe I'm just tired from such a long weekend of activities. So I'm going to do not a lot but rest today. I've definitely earned it. I am so grateful to have all the encouraging experiences and friends that I have in my life at this moment. I take courage and comfort in that fact in the days ahead as I endeavor to keep my thoughts focused and positive!
OK. So yoga kicked butt today, but I recharged with an energy-packed breakfast and some caffeine and I meditated and journal. Bring on the rest of the day people! The Journalism Association of Community Colleges (JACC) is winding down, and there's a few more workshops that I could enjoy. I'm all set to meet my friend and composer Soren Sorenson -- the Rodgers to my Hammerstein. We're going to meet in the hotel lobby where I'm staying in Burbank, CA and chill out with a refreshing beverage by the pool (if the weather holds) and catch up and talk about the album we're working on together. I should be a really chill day. I feel my creative juices working and I might take a 30 minute nap if I have time. Later on is the JACC Awards Banquet Dinner. After that, maybe I'll hit the nightlife scene for one big party blast before I head to bed, catch a few winks and make the trip back to San Francisco. Today is going to be so much fun!
I got up and started my day right with yoga and had a good breakfast at the hotel. Later that day Mercury struck when a guest speaker that was the subject of a journalism contest at the Journalism Association of Community Colleges (JACC) was over two hours late and the conference had to push the contest deadline back by two hours. On the upside they gave us more time to write our feature stories on the downside, we had to write straight through an awards ceremony and the student mixer and I didn't turn in my final draft of the story until 10:45 pm. Overall though, the day went well. I bonded with two students from Foothill college, and got closer to my fellow journalist at the paper as well. I attended a very informative story creation workshop in the afternoon, which I learned a great deal about perfecting my craft from. Even though I could feel the lag of Mercury Retrograde slowing things down, the day felt singularly productive. And the speed bumps that I hit only only served as reminders that we might want to go over things with a fine tooth comb in our writing process.
I've been on a bus 🚌 on the way to Burbank, California for the JACC Journalism Association of Community Colleges. It's been a long long rainy ☔ journey there and we still haven't arrived. There are delegates from three different community colleges aboard and we just made a stop for truck stop 🚚 cuisine. For the first day of Mercury it has been uneventful. Maybe that fact is because I tried to give myself ample time to do everything I needed to do. And I still managed to forget my tarot cards. I got my crystals and supplies to make Mercury Retrograde oil. I'm so glad that I got in my yoga practice before and who knows, possibly after I get checked into the hotel. I meditated. Now I just need to grab a crystal and hold onto it. I'm ready to face the day!
Continuing on the theme from yesterday, today is all about making sure my needs are being met, all the mean while, using love and compassion to accomplish that task. This means caring for others, but also making your you put a healthy dose of self-love into the mix. Finding this balance isn't always easy, but it's necessary if you are going to thrive and grow. I'm going to use this Spring to heal and renew, and find out what it means to put my needs first when it comes to my goals and dreams and also making room for the goals and dreams of those in my life whom I love and support. Maybe together, we can see that all of our hopes and dreams come true. Tomorrow I gear up for Mercury Retrograde and leave for JACC Journalism Association of Community Colleges to represent The City College of San Francisco's Newspaper: The Guardsman. I recently vacated the Culture Editor position which I held there for nearly two semesters so that I could focus more on my writing, learning the ropes of photojournalism and furthering my financial goals. This was one of a few choices I made to simplify my life and get a crystal clear picture of where I am heading in the coming months. I hope to get an opportunity to make Mercury Retrograde oil to stave off some of the symptoms of it's current cycle of planetary changes. I am actually looking forwarding to this trip and the irony with a little tongue-in-cheek amusement. I can't help it. I mean we are getting ready to embark on a journey half-way across the state to a convention that is dedicated to writing, media and communication. Gotta love it! I mean I can't make this stuff up. It's golden! This is going to be such an interesting trip!
OK. It's ironic that I'm talking about this as I have just completed two yoga practices and a High Intensity Interval Training session on but I did. You'll find the two sessions I completed in the videos below. The most important thing is that I'm gathering the strength and time to do all these things because I'm listening to the messages I received from Spirit about focusing on the goals that really matter to me and the wisdom from the fable of Saint Apricot in Tori Hartman's "Chakra Wisdom Oracle Toolkit" journaling workbook. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you don't have to worry about the approval or others or the guilt of not following your true path to please outside parties. Saint Apricot reminds me that it is often necessary to take the "road less traveled", as Robert Frost wrote in his seminal poem. I've had to ask myself how many times when I have ignored my gut and done things just to please others, have I ended up in a happy place where I felt good about my actions at a soul level? The answer of course is none of the times. All the times when I have (left the cult religion of Jehovah's Witnesses, when I was told that to leave meant destruction, moved to San Francisco with no job and not money, started doing yoga when I was told it was sinful, agreed to go with a close friend to Mexico and didn't know where I was going to find the money, left a job that was having a negative impact on my emotional health with no other employment in sight, embarked on a lifestyle that was far from the societal norms) I have found nothing but joy at the end of the tunnel. The advice is clear. I must follow my own heart and the yearnings of my inner spirit -- the whisperings of my Higher Self and Divinity. I must grow in soil that is hard to flourish in at first until I take root and establish something that I never knew I could and succeed against all odds. I must believe in myself!
HIIT...
And More Yoga... After everything was said and done, it felt good though! Now I have a JACC Journalism conference to pack for in Burbank, California.
Today in the "Chakra Wisdom Oracle Toolkit" by Toni Hartman I explored the lesson of Saint Apricot which tells us to value our worth and put ourselves first when necessary in order to live the life of our dreams and honor our personal truths and boundaries, even if that my mean that we lose the approval of our loved ones. Sometimes it's better to be understood and respected than well-liked. This is the realization that we all must come to if we are to truly be our own masters. I see that, as well as the areas in which I have given away my personal power to please others. It is now time reclaim those parts of myself and stand strong. It is now to for me to honesty see how much I am worth and recognize that lobe and self-respect are the birthright of every being in The Universe!
I'm back to allowing for the feelings of resistance that come up within me -- lending themselves to my issues with chronic anxiety (that feeling where I'm like a top that is all wound up with no place to spin out) and with trauma from my childhood and upbringing. Some days are better than others. And it's getting better and better the more I practice yoga and meditation and the more I do one thing -- let go of resistance to what is. Within me there is this need to control the outcome that I was struggling to get rid of. And now instead I'm letting it just be and seeing what comes up, then just seeing if it can release and float away like troubles on a cloud... The more I practice this type of allowing, the more that my worries seem to drift away. A few days I ago I was introduced to a mantra from "Rituals For Transformation" by Dr. Peter and Briana Borten. The mantra goes, "Thank goodness this is all being taken care of." This mantra reminds me that of the importance of letting go and letting God, Goddess, The Universe, Source, Higher Self, or all of the above if you wish, take your burdens and trust that they have your back as you move throughout the daily challenges that you must face in life. Then a deep inner knowing will emerge that no matter what happens, you are safe, you are loved, you are protected, you are worthy, and you are an eternal spirit whose light knows to limits.
I felt a bit out of sorts today -- a bit like I was searching but not finding myself. And then I had an epiphany! No matter how lost I might feel, I'm always found -- always cradled in the arms of the angels -- always loved by my Higher Self, my soul's consciousness. Today moved slowly and I felt cherished and protected... safe. There is something really beautiful in this knowledge. How do I perceive this on a daily basis. I went out to a Pub on St. Patrick's day in San Francisco. I felt strangely connected to the fun, but disconnected, like I was an outsider observing all the fun happening around me, but I was not saddened by this fact; I was content. Earlier that day a fire broke out in the North Beach neighborhood near where I work. It felt so close to me that it sent a thrill through me. I would have seen the flames shooting up into the night from where I was, but had suddenly be struck by a terrible urge to follow through on my plan to get ice cream at the famed Swensen's Ice Cream on Hyde Street of Union. "So far away so close," as U2 sang. There must be a cosmic symmetry to all this, especially with the amount of synchronicity I have encountered lately. Only time will tell, but the happenings of late seem especially important somehow. It could be my imagination, but it could be my intuition. I feel as if it's the later.
OK. I'm not entering into any new agreements, making sure I have extra time before I go to necessary destinations, beseeching the deities that rule time and communication, concocting my Mercury oil and surrounding myself and meditating with blue hued crystals. I'm reflecting on the loose ends that need to be tied up, projects that need to be completed, and taking stock of where I am. But most importantly, I'm chilling out and letting events unfold the way they need to and going with the flow. I am also preparing for a journalism conference for my college's newspaper. We leave for the SoCal conference on March 22 -- the first day of Mercury Retro. Let's see what this cycle of Mercury has in store. It should really prove interesting.
This seems to be the order of the day. Keep on keeping on. I am grounding into my goals for the long haul. And sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and shout 'This is fun anymore!" But when the going gets tough the tough do yoga, meditate and let go of resistance. It's OK though. Tomorrow the sun will rise yet again and I will face the light with renewed determination!
Sometimes it' not about the finish line, but the sweat and determination that it takes you to get there. How will you achieve your goals? How will you set the wheels in motion or through the winning curve ball? Today felt like an uphill battle, but at the end of it, I felt as if I came out of it the winner! I triumphed over the odds that kept me in the illusion that I was somehow to exhausted to go on. I woke up at 6:30 am and practiced yoga, braved my way to school where I trudged on through math classes, a swim class that challenged my endurance, duties at The Guardsman as a reporter, photojournalism class and then the end of the day ride back home on BART, the San Francisco Bay Area's subway line. Tomorrow my day promises to be a bit more leisurely. I will probably wake up at about 6:30 or 7 am and practice yoga, work out, finish my photo story for the paper, get working on emails, cleaning and organizing my room and waiting for an appointment to pop up on my massage therapist app Zeel -- an on demand massage therapy company that I work with. Later I'm off to see "Tomb Raider" with Jay. It should be a great day all around and I can't wait to jump in it!
Today felt like a lot of energies colliding at once. I was doing mundane tasks that needed to be done while also trying to meet my goals for the week and devote some nurturing time to myself as well. Towards the end of the day, I definitely could feel the first tugs of Mercury Retrograde's shadow and the ensuing slow-down of everything that leads up to its pull back on March 22. I met my time on the mat with an attitude of give and take -- of strength and letting go. I made a lot of realizations that the path ahead might have some rough patches, but at the end of the day it's me who gets to decide if they become obstacles or merely bumps that I have to navigate to get to where I want to be. In the mean time I will keep on walking on towards my destination steadfastly and with sure feet on the ground.
I think that I just settled on another 30 day yoga challenge on the "Yoga With Tim" channel featuring the yoga sequences of Tim Senesi. The grounding asanas that he guided my through tapped into the grounding that my root chakra needed to continue healing all it's issues around negative emotions. Other than the fact that he is freakin' hot! Can I say that? LOL. I like the way he transitions the yoga student into poses with modifications initially so you don't feel intimidated by your own lack of flexibility. I am still improving my flexibility. Back to the negative emotions in my root chakra, I noticed that one that came up a lot was fear. I have a lot of fears that I am working on. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of driving, fear of losing another loved one, fear of... well you get the idea. As I'm losing some like fear of public speaking, and fear of deep water, others are coming up in shocking Technicolor. My rational mind tells me that this is all part of the healing process and the more I ground in and clear my root chakra the less irrational fears I will have. Part of living is learning how to move through those and keep going towards my life goals. My journaling today in Tori Hartman's "Chakra Wisdom Oracle Toolkit" is helping me to explore that with the fable of "Passion Princess of Amber" "Amber" is helping to discover the issues around my own personal truths and fears and how fear may have kept me from living my biggest and brightest life. The journey continues and as I endeavor to meet each day with courage, I soldier on towards that light that looms invitingly in the distance. I beckons me to it and away from the shadows. I'm following my path.
I am in a head space today where I'm trying to make heads and tails of everything. I couldn't figure out which yoga challenge I wanted to begin. Today I went with Leslie Fightmaster's 30 day yoga challenge called "Yoga Fix". Tomorrow I might feel in the mood to begin a totally different challenge. That's the mood I'm in now, sort of topsy turvy. I could ground it all out, but I"m sort of curious as to where this random energy could take me. If I tap into the changeable quality of my sacral chakra, then just maybe I can find out. For now just being here and being present is working for me so far. I'll get it together...eventually.
Today my roommate lost his dog Cherie. I am feeling many different emotions. Sadness, guilt, apathy, powerlessness. I have been going over how things could have been done differently. As an empath, I have been internalizing everyone's emotionally, Cherie's when I was petting her sweet little head as my roommate was making the difficult decision to take her to the vet where he knew there was a good chance they were going to put her down. The look on his face when he returned without her sent me into a fresh round of tears. I'm on my way to work at a little day spa in San Francisco's North Beach District, contemplating mortality, and the fragility of our existence -- trying to reconcile my emotional state and pull it together before I work on my first client of the day. I breathe in and out a long sigh and try just be present where I am -- try to reflect on the mercurial nature of the universe and its limitless potential. Try to see part if its grand pattern. Try to remember that everything happens for a reason.
"Everything Happens For A Reason" Performed By Zhane
I feel as if I am beginning to be connected to the universe by allowing for it to support me. Today after being without a cell phone for months, I finally recieved one. It was like a gift from the universe, wrapped in love and light. And I am so grateful! Now it's time for me to share bounty with others!
How appropriate that my yoga practice in Brett Larkin's Chakra Series was all about the throat chakra. I spent about 30 minutes moving through various asana with the aim of expanding and healing my throat chakra known as the vishuddha chakra. The energy around that chakra felt more expansive and open after Larkin's yoga class and I really reaped the benefits. I was able to function in my tasks as a journalism major so much more easily today. I secured a location for a photo 📷 story project that I have in my Photojournalism class, I was also able to cover a rally for National Woman's Day and get amazing pictures and quotes for the same class! And all throughout the day I was emoting, expressing and connecting verbally. And as I listened to storys of woman's solidarity, struggles and victories, I realize I was tapped in to the powerful frequency of the language of truth.
When you open up your heart ❤ to life, it can be like bright, new rays of morning sunlight are shining into your world -- illuminating all the dark spots in your soul and showing you a more honest and loving side of existence. In that dawn of a new beginning, you allow yourself to hope. Your passions are fully aligned with your purpose and know you are firmly on your path despite not knowing exactly where the journey will end. You are alight with direction and vision, bursting with unseen possibilities. You are alive!
I just finished Brett Larkin's Solar Plexus themed yoga class and it has me raring to get going, but not in a frantic or pushy way. I'm feeling strong enough to move from the space that I am in right at this moment to accomplish my goals and to-do lists rather than force anything to happen. I all feel really right somehow. I feel as if I am in the flow of yesterday's mood, while grounded in the previous day's intention and also moving forward into the now. It's a really great space to be in, especially when you have as many things to do as I do. Right now it's all about staying grounded on that board, riding on that wave, cresting to my fullest potential! I'm really liking how that sounds! Things are beginning to fall into place naturally.
Today felt like one of the busiest days of the year thus far. I was bustled from destination to destination by subway 🚝 and Uber driver 🚗. I was challenged to repeated practice drills in swim 🏊 class, I studied math problems, sang with and helped to over-see the jazz club I am a member of, went to a photography exhibit that was required as part of an essay for my Photojournalism class, took part in an on-the-spot news story, went to see and photography a dark synth band I like called Mystic Priestess. And through it all, I noticed that I was more grounded, present and felt in the flow. It's amazing what that feels like! This day was incredible!
So wow! I forgot to blog yesterday! I'm still on point with my yoga and meditation practice and my journaling. Yesterday I did a Bret Larkin yoga series featuring long sat nams. I had some trouble focusing and had a sort of jittery energy which followed me through an on-again-off-again rainy ☔ and sunny 🌞 day. My mood brightened up rather like the clouds ☁ 🌞 and stayed that way for the rest of the day. It became even brighter when Jay picked me up and we went to see R&B singer Tinashe at Club Origins in San Francisco's Filmore district!
Today is following along the lines of a similarly happy theme. I practiced the root chakra yoga flow from Larkin's yoga video library on YouTube. Today is going to be a blast again! Going to an afternoon of board games, food, great conversation and friendship called Battlestar with Jay! It's sunny outside. I'm feeling amazing on my cleanse ( I'll prb engage in a little guilt-free cheating at Battlestar). LOL. But it's all good, and so I am!
Boy have the energies and emotions been on a rollercoaster today! I really needed my practice and my meditation as nothing turned out as planned. I rushed to San Francisco for an appt. that wasn't until two weeks from now, I was bored, despondent, irritable, and my beliefs were challenged. All in a days work. It feels as if things like this are getting more manageable each day I dive into both my yoga and meditation practice. I will survive all this. It will pass and I'll emerge stronger thad ever!
Today is all about building up a strength that comes from deep inside yourself. On Day 19 of Brett Larkin's Challenge the last kundalini exercise really required me to dig deep down and find that endless source of surety and grounding - to find my inner fire! I refused to allow my arms to stop their motions and keep concentrating on my third eye point and chanting sat nam (truth is my identity) while noticing my breath and the atmosphere around me. Went deeper into the moment and I allowed the sensations to course through me. There was this little voice (my ego) that said 'stop, you can't do it', but I just noticed it was there and kept moving my arms.. I was nearly in tears at the end of it. I learned a lot about strength today -- what true strength is, and how sometimes we have to conquer the greatest foe that is in our minds. It's the courage that comes with a combination of letting go and engaging the moment.
I am reminded of that everything I go into the deep end of the pool during my beginning swim class. For some readers of this blog who may not know, I was raised in a cult religion called Jehovah's Witnesses. My parents isolated me a lot from the rest of society. That experience has shaped my life in so many ways and I am now in the process of re-shaping my entire life story. Long story short, I was not allowed to participate in many normal experiences with other children growing up. I remember that I longed to learn to swim when I was a child, but my mother wouldn't let me take the class for fear that my mind would be influenced by the children there. This resulted in my not learning to swim when I was young, so by the time I was an adult, I had developed a fear of deep bodies of water. I realize that the experiences when I was younger resulted in quite a few phobias, some of which I've broken, like my (intense shyness) fear of talking to others, and some that I haven't like my fear of driving. Some I am in the process of breaking such as my fear of swimming. It's been many steps to get the point where I can now plunge into the water and tread water in the deep end of the pool and even swim in the deep end with the guidance of a lifeguard. But that first plunge, I'll remember it always - the surrender, the over-coming my mind and the moment when I swam to the other side. I felt triumphant! Every bit of fear that I conquer represents a small win and a letting go of a limiting mindset - the kind of shortsightedness that zaps our strength. My mantra today from Briana and Dr. Peter Borten's "Rituals For Transformation is, "I relinquish my fear to the power of love and my Higher Self".
