Main Photo Credit - Michael Neville

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Letting It All Out


Letting It All Out

I've just been riding the rollercoaster of emotions lately and they have been many and varied. Sometimes I'm numb to it all, others I'm anxious, at other times I'm balling my eyes out. And now I just don't know how to feel anymore. I've been pondering the merits of gratitude lately and even with the events of the past few days, I'm grateful for the support system and the friends that I have left. I just found out that my friend is still on life support for another week. I don't know how I feel about that either. No matter what happens, I'm going to try and find the moments of joy where I can even in the darkest moments -- realizing that life can't always be clear-cut with everything tied up neatly in a bow. It's messy, it's challenging, it's painful, it's miraculous and its paths are often uncertain. Abd that is both the frustration and the beauty of it. So I am going to let the laughter and the tears flow.


Friday, May 25, 2018

Taking A Moment


Today I'm giving myself time to reflect. I'm taking all the moments that I need to feel whatever it is that I need to feel and to come to terms with the ever-changing currents of life that I find myself awash in. I'm just allowing for whatever I need to go through right now. Healing takes time and I'm going to give myself all the space that I need in order to move forward again.


Thursday, May 24, 2018

On Losing Loved Ones


On Losing Loved Ones

The one thing that I can say about the loss of a loved one is that no matter how many times you deal with the aftermath of death and the grief that follows, it never gets any easier. In fact it actually gets harder with each subsequent loss. Today I learned that my friend and next door neighbor Rhonnel is going to be pulled off life support tomorrow after he collapsed with an aneurysm the day before yesterday shortly before 10 a.m. in the morning. I'm going through a roller coaster of emotions, memories and regrets right now. Never again will we binge-watch Netflix on the living room couch, or share a curry wrap, share laughs at a neighborhood BBQ or battle rounds of Tekken on PlayStation. Today I said goodbye to my friend and I'll never see him again. This is the third friend that I've loss in less than a year and it's really hard. I'm trying to come to terms with this all. You never know when someone that you care about can just be gone so cherish the moments you have with them while you can. That only constant in this Universe is love, of that I am sure.




Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Highs And Lows And Finding Calm In The Storm


Highs And Lows And Finding Calm In The Storm

This morning I woke up to my next door neighbor's mom beating on my window. It turns out that he had collapsed and hit his head and was rendered unconscious. I called an ambulance and they rushed him to the ER. He is now in critical care. After accompanying his mother to the hospital, where I stayed for a few hours, I left for the last of my rehearsals before the end of semester jazz performance. It felt strange at first having the rehearsal go on as normal, but since I have about 5 songs in the set and the performance is set for next week Wednesday, I had to go. This happened just about three months shy of the anniversary of one of my best friend and next door neighbor Claire's passing in August of last year. Claire was also a friend of Rhonel as well as my roommate Todd who drove me and Rhonel's mother to the hospital. The fact that I've replayed this scene of watching a loved one in critical care in a hospital bed many times was definitely not lost on me. I'm beginning to wonder if there is some kind of Divine plan or karma in all of this that I am being made aware of. The significance of the amount of dear loved ones who I've lost or have had to witness through serious illnesses is growing. It's making me ask myself what I am doing to attract this or if this is part of a larger pattern? Only time will tell. Until then I will follow the road that I am led down and explore the larger journey within.

Monday, May 21, 2018

Calm And Steady


Calm And Steady

What I need to cultivate today is more a fresher and more serene approach to my day. I am setting an intention to bring the balance and serenity that I have a developed in this morning's yoga practice to everything that I do in the day thus far. When I feel stress I can take deep breaths and find stillness inside to achieve my goals. I can ask myself what it is that I need to make my day run more smoothly and then put  my endeavors there with a minimum of fuss, remembering to stay centered. I just have to remember that whenever I take a new step towards my goal to slowing inhale... exhale.

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Finding My Energy Again!


Finding My Energy Again!

This was the perfect yoga practice for me. I got up at 6:15 am bright and early, just in time to take an Uber to the Bay To Breakers race and snag some amazing photos!📷 Today was all about living in the moment and practicing gratitude. And today I couldn't have been happier to receive the bounties of love and friendship that I did. After the Bay To Breakers, I went to Jay's friend Morgan's house and I played my first D&D role playing game ever! To those of you not in the know, D&D stands for Dungeons and Dragons. I had a lot of fun and was even gifted 🎁 with my own gaming dice set. It was the perfect way to end the day -- that and being in Jay's arms. Sigh...

Saturday, May 19, 2018

At The End Of The Day...


At The End Of The Day...

I ended the day with a lot more optimism and energy than I started it with, which is all that anyone can ask for. Today's yoga practice was just what I needed to wake up and take on the day. Now I can go into my meditation before I head off to bed. I'm going to try my hand at photographing San Francisco's famous Bay to Breakers race. It should make for an exciting day if I can manage to wake up that early. Let's see what tomorrow holds!