With only two more days left in my yoga challenge, I have a lot to celebrate. Should it be the fact that I've come so far, The fact that I was able to reach back and grasp my ankle in a pigeon pose variation that had previously eluded my flexibility, or that fact that it's my birthday in two days and as an early birthday present a really close friend Jay treated me to my first Dickens Faire -- a Christmas, 19th century period-themed convention dedicated to the world of Charles Dickens? I have a lot to be both grateful and thankful for today. I'm basking in love, joy and appreciation. Day 28!
I really am grateful today. And for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm on the right track to greater abundance -- feeling the glimmers of the edge of my destiny forming from the ether. I'm hopeful. I'm starting to plan out the steps I need to walk in order to begin to create the reality I've been dreaming about. And the Universe is lining things up along my path. These are what Janet and Chris Attwood refer to as "markers" in "The Passion Test" -- goalposts that reveal themselves when you are headed in the right direction. And yes, I've had plenty of setbacks. And yes, that's all part of the road trip. I'm really grateful for all of the challenges and detours because they've taught me so much. I'm really grateful for the journey. I feel like I'll look back and find it's so much more satisfying than the destination. Time to put one foot in front of the other -- full speed ahead, dangerous curves and all!
Or rather I finished this statement because there are a few things I love to actively bring into my life -- abundance, love, peace, hope joy, and clarity? Yes clarity. In my journey things had gotten a bit cloudy I was gaining some amazing things, a musical community, honing my talents both as a writer and a singer, and making strides as a performer, but I had lost the clarity to give myself a single-minded focus and had put my spiritual lens in a blur as well. Events have happened that remind me that I also came to this plane to walk the path of the "wounder healer". I have the ability and the privilege to heal others as I am healing myself.
In today's Yoga Camp practice, Adriene said something interesting. She remarked sentiments to the effect that she had attracted her whole YouTube channel, Yoga With Adriene. I looked at her thousands of viewers and all the lives that she's affected included mine; as evidenced through these posts, and I am in awe. Apparently she is too. I felt compelled to look back at my own journey. I used to be painfully shy, I had no confidence, I lacked a purpose, and I was severely depressed. Then I moved to San Francisco under the most darkest of shadows, grappling with the sadness I was feeling behind my late sister's diagnosis with cancer. It was everything that happened from the time she was diagnosed to her death in 2014 that put my life on this sometimes devastating, and sometimes exultantly joyful road. I realized that I am finally owning that legacy and allowing more good things to come my way. It is my dream for my blog, Facebook and YouTube channel's reflections about healing to affect and help thousands of people as well. There. I said it. Cat's out of the bag. There's nowhere to go but up from here!
So today's mantra was a bit tough because I am working on letting go of my control-freak tendencies. That is to say that most them are based on how I allow myself to operate inside of the world. I am very aware that by it's very nature, control is an illusion. But I think what this mantra and practice is striving to get me to recognize is not necessarily a grasping, gripping kind of control, which is very anti-yoga in my humble opinion, but an acknowledgement that while we can't control external factors in our lives, we can control our reactions to them. I let me explore my edge, and by it's very nature, this mantra and practice actually called attention to all the places I was holding in and retaining body-mind tensions and allowed me to focus on letting them go. Today's practice was a treasure because in that very same places that I found conflict, I also found release.
So "a funny thing happened on the way to the forum..." or should I say yoga mat? I finally did what my inner control freak had been dreading, and that was transpose a practice. So for all those micro-managers like myself you will feel my pain when I tell you that today is actually day 24 and I did day 25's practice. My more 'hang loose' counterparts will be like 'so what?' LOL. What was my first reaction to this? To go all panicky and be like 'now what? The whole thing is out of order now! I failed. It's not...perfect...' Than something happened that gave me a "stop-the-presses" realization. I didn't do any of that. I didn't really care. I'm truly taking the first steps to release my monkey-mania.
I'm not going to fight Mercury Retrograde this time, but I'm going to let it work to re-form and re-fit my life, gently, sifting through, and methodically being the taste-maker of my existence; deciding what goes and what stays and what challenges I need to face up to once and for all and where I need to get clear in my life. Actually this is the second time I'm writing this because the first time my post mysteriously deleted itself. I'm guessing that Mercury Retro was at play again, helping me to refine my words for better consumption by the reader.
I decided that the mantra and yoga sequence in this practice were what I really needed more that the one that "belonged" on day 24. It just felt "right" somehow. Mercury came along to shake things up a bit and maybe even deliver a one two punch. But that's OK. The planetary alignments that are happening right now are teaching me that no matter if I get rattled or delivered a strong right hook, that I have the power to decide if it knocks me off my center or if it makes me stand stronger and more sure. I realized that I got this and so do you! The Universe, my yoga practice, meditation routine, crystal healing, belief in myself, my loyal friends and supporters, energetic healing, Mama Earth, Papa Sky, The Great Spirit, and all my guides and spirit helpers, they've all got by back to! We got this!
So Adriene said that this mantra could bring up a lot of resistance and it did. But I found more ease in allowing the resistance to flow and breathing into the areas of strain and discomfort that those words conjured up. This practice made me examine how I can find grace and balance in times when I am thrown off kilter. It made me ask myself 'how can I surf the waves and currents that I can either allow to disrupt the flow of my life or cleanse away my soul's impurities?' I'm examining that as I am working my way through Mercury Retrograde. It feels totally possible to go with the tide of this planetary pull and let it take me to somewhere safe and help me learn along the way of the journey. Can I view delays on public transportations and in scheduling as an opportunity to go inward and grab extra time to do chakra meditation or clarify details that I need to handle for the day? Can canceled plans with friends or lovers be a chance to get to know myself? If I get sick, could maybe that time be used to recharge and heal my body? Or if communications cause upsets, arguments, or disagreements, could I examine my reactions and take the time to learn the lessons that the experience is trying to teach me? Can I have the patience to improve myself and become better one day at a time? In this frame of mind can I find security even in times of unrest and strife? I feel as if I can start to learn how to do that. I feel a lot stronger in the face of adversity.
What do I choose to surround myself with? Love 💘? Peace✌? Abundance? Hope? Joy? Security? How about, D all of the above. When I'm feeling this much gratitude, I can afford to be magnanimous. I came to the yoga mat today with a heart that was a lighter and more joyful than before, and it was simply because of my more positive outlook. I'm am starting to learn to live in the flow and it feels good. I'm starting to learn new ways of being and breathing in my skin and it's beginning to feel beautiful.
