Tapping Into The Strength Within

Tapping Into The Strength Within

Today is all about building up a strength that comes from deep inside yourself. On Day 19 of Brett Larkin's Challenge the last kundalini exercise really required me to dig deep down and find that endless source of surety and grounding - to find my inner fire! I refused to allow my arms to stop their motions and keep concentrating on my third eye point and chanting sat nam (truth is my identity) while noticing my breath and the atmosphere around me. Went deeper into the moment and I allowed the sensations to course through me. There was this little voice (my ego) that said 'stop, you can't do it', but I just noticed it was there and kept moving my arms.. I was nearly in tears at the end of it. I learned a lot about strength today -- what true strength is, and how sometimes we have to conquer the greatest foe that is in our minds. It's the courage that comes with a combination of letting go and engaging the moment.

I am reminded of that everything I go into the deep end of the pool during my beginning swim class. For some readers of this blog who may not know, I was raised in a cult religion called Jehovah's Witnesses. My parents isolated me a lot from the rest of society. That experience has shaped my life in so many ways and I am now in the process of re-shaping my entire life story. Long story short, I was not allowed to participate in many normal experiences with other children growing up. I remember that I longed to learn to swim when I was a child, but my mother wouldn't let me take the class for fear that my mind would be influenced by the children there. This resulted in my not learning to swim when I was young, so by the time I was an adult, I had developed a fear of deep bodies of water. I realize that the experiences when I was younger resulted in quite a few phobias, some of which I've broken, like my (intense shyness) fear of talking to others, and some that I haven't like my fear of driving. Some I am in the process of breaking such as my fear of swimming. It's been many steps to get the point where I can now plunge into the water and tread water in the deep end of the pool and even swim in the deep end with the guidance of a lifeguard. But that first plunge, I'll remember it always - the surrender, the over-coming my mind and the moment when I swam to the other side. I felt triumphant! Every bit of fear that I conquer represents a small win and a letting go of a limiting mindset - the kind of shortsightedness that zaps our strength. My mantra today from Briana and Dr. Peter Borten's "Rituals For Transformation is, "I relinquish my fear to the power of love and my Higher Self".

And More On Allowing...

And More On Allowing...

Sometime the more you "try" the more ground you lose. I find it often is better to just allow. This however is a lot harder than it sounds. That old ego and the monkey mind can get in the way and cause all kinds of mischief. In today's kundalini kriya which focused on breath and endurance, I was challenged to sustain my arms in all kinds of constantly moving poses. I didn't think that I could keep going, and at those points I would chant the kundalini mantra which is "I am truth" or "truth is my identity", and I would find myself going deeper, reaching for more understanding, and indeed, finding my own truth. It was in those moments of struggle that I could really see that part of my path was giving up that struggle and just allowing the sensations to take me over. This involves the sort of surrender that the mind resists. It is when we are in our truer moments, our points of struggle that who we really are is revealed. And it is there that we learn not only who we are but who we really want to be.

Finding Peace Within The Chaos

Finding Peace Within The Chaos

Today I just needed a some space to wind down. As I write this I have a pounding headache from a detox I'm on. So I'm gonna take it slow and just feel whatever my body is trying to tell me with this pain. I won't shy away from it. I will face the void with courage and grace. I will simply... allow.

Half Mooning It Up

Half Mooning It Up

OK. TMI? Maybe. But when absent any yoga clothes, yoga in your underwear, or not so underwear, is just fine. You don't need any special fancy pants or accoutrement. So I went through my asanas today, all wobbly on one leg and incapable of finding steady footing in my half moon pose and not caring (almost full mooning). That seems to be the motto of my life at the moment. If I first I don't succeed... well you know the rest. Making it, or possibly making it up, one day at a time, because there isn't a roadmap for this s*ht! LOL. The full moon is definitely coming. I can feel it! All the blessings are coming with her. Tomorrow a gift of hers and the universe's bounty delivered through a certain Mr. "Kind And Generous" as an "investment in my future", will be coming. My brand new Canon T6 camera kit with all the bells and whistles is arriving right at this moment, somewhere along its delivery route! Life is great! I'm writing lyrics again! I'm singing again. I'm stretching and growing and changing and finding my way again. "A simpering, whimpering child again/bewitched bothered and bewildered am I" like the Richard Rogers song says. Yeah, after a rocky start to my day, that's how I"m feeling!

Living In The Moment

Living In The Moment

With the theme of the day all about forgiveness, letting go of fear and loving, I am all prepped to move ahead in my journey. I'm feeling particularly creative and inspired. I'm starting to connect more to my place in the Universe, and lots of good projects are starting to come my way - heart-centered endeavors that I'm passionate about are just appearing as if out of thin air. The synchronicity everything around me is lining up and falling into place. It's all about being in the moment right now and living with courage and hope. It's all about unconditional love and faith. Going forward, that's the space where I want to be.

Phoning It In

Phoning It In

I tried to be more present today but I ended up being on auto pilot for some of the day and checking out. I guess that's ok. I'm just gonna let it all hang out and see where the chips fall. Why? Because sometimes it be like that.

Being OK With Myself

Being OK With Myself

I feel like the theme for today is self-acceptance. As I engaged all of my muscles in Brett Larkin's Warrior III yoga flow, I wobbled on my right side and then on my left side, more than the right (I'm working on balancing out my masculine, right side body/feminine, left side body). In the "Cherry Heart" fable in the "Chakra Energy Oracle Workbook" by Tori Hartman, the meditation was all about accepting myself and others with unconditional love - all of us, even our faults. In my "Rituals For Transformation" journal by Dr. Peter and Briana Borten, I wrote the affirmation, 'My fellow beings are worthy of forgiveness, and so I am'. Forgiveness is asking us to accept that both ourselves and others have faults that we may dislike or even hate. And how do we accept, love and forgive that fact. Note this doesn't mean to condone terrible things, it means that we accept that this happened, send love to it and release the energy it into forgiveness - therefore freeing up our minds, hearts and souls from being tethered to resentment. forgiveness is a lot harder than it sounds. I like to think of it for myself as practicing the art of forgiveness, much as I practice the art of yoga. I'm not perfect at it and sometimes it's hard, like trying to hold myself in plank or crow pose, but eventually with enough practice, it will strengthen, just like my muscles, and so too will my heart.

The "Chakra Energy Oracle Workbook" said for me to write down the statement. "I accept myself", post it where I can see it all the time and repeat the affirmation whenever I think about it or thoughts like fear, doubt or worry creep in. I can add that to the affirmation I wrote in my journal "Rituals For Transformation" about forgiveness, and then blend both of those with the affirmation "I love myself and others unconditionally. I feel as if these are the key components in the recipe for emotional healing. At the core of many the practices like yoga, Reiki, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) they are key. In fact in EFT, you begin each problem with the statement "Even though I have(insert problem or issue) I deeply and completely, love, accept and forgive myself." I will spend a week releasing all that does not serve me using these affirmations whenever I am faced with a negative emotion or situations. I am also going to pick one person a day to forgive, starting with someone easy and progressing to harder cases (not forgetting to forgive myself). From there I will progress to people I don't know who I have judged for doing terrible things and see how far I can forgive -- stretching my energetic heart muscles!